I refer to jingle bells not poe's bells as it is of course the festive season.
i know that soon i will be indugling in far to much food, that only comes around the time of xmas.
Christmas is a bit different for me this year, for one, the house is not decorated. my flatmates are the 'quiet' kind and have no desire to make things look remotely cheering. i have placed a token gesture of putting up some 'fairy' lights in the lounge, but they are really for my birthday party which is happening this coming saturday.
I also will be spending the christmas eve with family, which i haven't done for the last two years, i miss the smell of pine wofting through the house, and baking smells coming from the kitchen. the excitment of children on xmas morning far to early for any human to be awake will probably not be there anymore as my youngest brother is almost 13, and if you haven't found out about 'santa' at 13 well i feel sorry for the 'issues you will no doubt' have when you are older.
it is still a magical time of year. people come together, people vounteer to help others less fortunite. you wonder why it can't happen all year round, and they only get together 1 day a year.
i sometimes feel like a bit of a traitor celebrating a day which some know to be 'jesus' birth. not being religous i find it slightly hypicritoal, but it has turned into such a commercial holiday that the whole 'meaning' of christmas is pretty much forgotten in society. it was this same feeling i felt at midnight last year on xmas eve. i sat in a beautiful small church in a even smaller town, the only person left in the pew while the others walked up for communion. i'm not catholic and felt so much like a liar if i got up, but then still felt like a traitor for staying seated. but i came to realise as i exited the church saw the stained glass windows watching from behind me and the stars in the sky, that it wasn't all about religon and what you believe it. its about the love, to believe in something, rather than nothing, even if that something is the togetherness of your family and friends on the day.
I also have a promise of a 'new friend' who claims he's going to play santa and visit me on xmas day. i find that rather sweet as i've just started seeing this person in a romantic sense and the idea that he finds me important and special enough to see on that day of the year gives me warm fuzzies inside
if i don't get to post before the 25th, i wish you all a very merry christmas and a safe and happy new year
X's and O's
Ness
