I'm lost along a road i don't usually travel
i don't feel like myselfand i don't know if thats a good thing or a bad thing.to be honest i can't remember who 'Vanessa' is most of the time.
is it the person i was when i was with andrew. always trying to be exactly what i thought he wanted. not to close, not too distant. low manitance. not to clingy....
is it the person when i'm with my squiggle. silly. and giggly and drunk?
is it the person i am when i'm at work. trying to get everything done. perfect. and fucking up something so silly then stressing about it
is it the person i am when i am alone. in the middle of the night. awake in the dark. just starring at the celing.
is it the person i am when i'm meeting a guy for the first time and trying to be sauve and irasistlable...
i feel like i'm none of these things. like i'm hiding behind a mask. everywhere
i don't want to go to this fancy dress thing tomorrow. i don't want to see tim. i don't want to have lunch with this guy who asked me out online yesterday and called me this evening and spoke to me on the phone for two hours. i dont want to see my flatmates and make small talk. i don't want to be alone. yet i'm desprate for something...
i've lost who i am, and i don't remember what i was like to find myself again
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1 comment:
Firstly- congrats on listening to The Who babe. That's great taste there. Secondly- you and I are pretty much in the same boat with the mask thing. But know that life is FULL of masks really. Like comedy and tragedy- happy and sad. Emotions become masks themselves and it is not one's identity that is eliminated so much as all the other little bits that are the collage that make us who we are.
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