Dreaming

I think I need to seek psychiatric help with my dreams as of late. Who does one call when their dreams are more messed up that a mad hatter tea party crossed with Emilie Autumns Asylum for wayward Victoria girls? The Sandman? Morpheus the god of dreams? It’s not just the content of the dreams that my subconscious is creating but the random little things from my past that keep popping into them. It’s not necessary a significant thing, it may be as small as a diary cover I had when I was a child or a random classmate from primary school. But so far the majority have been dark, disturbing, and gross and seem to have malicious undertones.

A couple of things are bugging me as well, now that I sit down to write a blog about them and to get your insight the majority have slipped from my grasp, like holding onto sand to tight I suppose, it slips through your fingers back onto the beach and is indecipherable amongst the other grains। I have a picture of giant hourglasses now, and my brain is going on a tangent. I want one. A tall gothic hourglass with deep crimson sand inside – it (hourglasses) would make quite a cool object to collect.

*shakes head* back to the dreams…
One was of particular eww-ness and I advice not to read below if you are currently consuming any kind of food or beverage. A relatively small pimple was discovered on my face by a friend of mine (V) who’s friend of hers (S) – but not a friend of mine if you know what I mean – was there also. Now they decided to squeeze it with tweezers… gunk kept coming out of it for quite a while. (Told you it was gross) try interpreting that!!

Themes from my dreams range from the exciting to the scary to the mundane act of making toast or looking for keys. I have had a few dreams reoccur, not the actual dream in its entirety but the themes and such. I get lost in houses a lot that I do not recognise from my waking life, and the lights don’t work. I turn the lights on and it takes a few minutes for them to actually light up. I also have bathroom dreams…. Weird I know. But that’s me…

Males

Males

They make up 50% of the population, which we shall assume is approximately (according to good old wiki!) - 6,649,117,969 …. So that means there are 3,324,558,984 male like humans in the world. You would think that I’d be able to understand one or two of them. But no matter what they tend to confuse the living hell out of me when it comes to topics that involve thinking for more than one second.

Take the indecisive-ness of a male I met over the weekend. We shall call him Male A…. Now Male A is a lovely sweet farmer type fellow with intellectual glasses. Slightly common with his beer choice but that is alright, but trying to get an opinion out of him which required him to choose either one or the other was like pulling teeth. Even things as simple as, “what would you like for lunch?” required a lot of um-ing and ah-ing… its just food. Energy. In one end and other the other so to speak (for lack of a better term) I don’t want to know how it would be if he had lifestyle choices to make.

Another male I had the pleasure of getting a :S face over on the weekend, who will be known as… Male B! (How convenient!) ... This is a man with an exterior complex that screams “I’m sexy, females come and jump me like a fence” who claims to not care about peoples feelings, and does what he wants when he wants. Likes to argue. Then goes and contradicts everything he says and thinks. Nuts. But hes a friend and you deal with the quirks of you friends

Male C: the distant non existent male. I have known a few male C’s in my life, and have had the displeasure of removing a particularly strong one from my life as of late. You know the type. Is super keen on you. Says he respects your morals, beliefs and views from religion to sex to ice-cream flavor. Then for some unknown reason (usual the giving into biological urges) they bugger off and go AWOL. Joy.

Male D: is the cute sort of attached to your life male, you meet through a friend of a friend of a friend or something like that. You see them at social gathers, your keen on them they are keen on you, and blah de blah… but neither of you makes a move. Is it because Male D isn’t really that keen on you but during drunken shanagins indicates that he is, then sobers up and comes to he senses. Or is it because of the friend of a friend of a friend who is in the way? Two Male D’s are in my life atm. Neither a big part but both are confusing the hell out of me…in the where do I stand in relation to you in my life…argh! Grrr.

Thinking about all the male either friend or foe currently surrounding my life at the moment, has also made me think about my female friends as well, which can in turn be just as confusing and incomprehensible as males.
But I shall save that for another blog

**Its Only a matter of Time

just watched a movie that was quite incredibly moving.2:37

It was quite like the american movie Elephant - i mean shot in the same style and such (then i found out via the lovely interweb that the director was inspired by it. It's not the typical high school movie. its very art house. i don't know if you could describe it as noir but it had the black and white shots, the characters interviews on a 'confession cam type shot' in black and white. the reversing and replaying of time in different peoples POV (like GO) and a wonderful instramental score that is constantly being played behind the action. This is defintly being added as one of the top 10 movies i've seen :)below is how it is decribed at IMDB.

A contemporary, ensemble drama telling the complex tale of six high school students whose lives are interwoven with situations that so many of today's youth are faced with. The story takes place during a normal school day. At precisely 2:37 a tragedy will occur, affecting the lives of a group of students and their teachers. As the story unfolds, the individual stories of the six teenagers are revealed, each with its own explosive significance. An unwanted pregnancy unravels a terrible, dark secret; all is not as it appears for the seemingly confident school football hero; an outcast must deal with everyday taunts from his peers; a beautiful young girl battles an eating disorder; a stellar student constantly struggles to win his parents' approval; while another uses drugs to escape from his own demons

It made me think - i mean it is shot in typical movie fashion with the borderline between un-believeable and believeable becoming blurred at times, but i couldn't help but wonder - what was going on behind the scenes, behind closed doors, behind the eyes, of people i walked past every day at school. people i walk past every day at work, Flatmates i walk past everyday at home.

Theres some secrets you just don't share. I have bared most of them with the internet annonimoty that i have here, but you need to have some of your own. some close to your chest. i don't know how healthy it is, having what i have inside, buried away. but... such is life.

X's and O's
Ness

Poems

Where Passion lives

A heart shaped shell
Lays dormant
hollow as the gun you hold
weak pulse(its nothing but aching)

Reaching out
an attempt to reminisce
Memories flood through
and full your veins again
(An old addict with a new fix)

Once upon a time
There was fire in her eyes
Burning bright for a cause
he let it slip away
Can it all be yours again?

Back pressed against a cold wall
heated by your steamy embrace
Obvious to the world
She let it slip away
Can it all be yours again?

Now lives vicariously
Through others words
No heat no sparks
Just a vacant stare
Is where passion lies now